Embracing Solitude

I woke up this morning to an awful chirping beside my head that repeated it’s squalling every nine minutes until I whacked it to silence and crawled out of bed just to spite the darn thing. I remember thinking how good it felt to lay there and how I didn’t want to get up. That’s unusual. After a while I began to realize that something was a little “off,” this didn’t feel like a normal morning. Lately I’ve been waking up feeling like I’ve been run over by a cement truck in the night but this morning I stopped for a moment only to realize that for a moment there, nothing hurt. And for a moment longer… still… nothing hurt. I’ve grown accustomed to the habits of my body and notice the exceptions rather than the rule most of the time. And believe me, I’m grateful for this exception! Especially after the last few days.

So on the way home from work I was thinking how nice it would be to spend another morning walking in the woods looking at orchids (the putty root orchids should be out in force this week sometime and I would wear the right shoes to visit them without being eaten by copperheads this time!) Deadlines in the studio kept me from that idea but I decided on the spur of the moment to drop by the park. I rewarded my body with a leisurely walk around the pond at the park. It wasn’t an exercise walk, more of a “mosey.” I fed the fish and considered friends who have come and gone through my life. A sparrow caught my attention, he seemed to be hoping for a morsel. He was a rather bold little fella. “Pardon me Ma’am, could you spare a crumb?” Oh yes I could, so I fed him till he flew away. The ducks ignored me once they realized I had nothing for them so I made a mental note to bring something for the ducks next time. I passed a raven on the lamp post above the garbage cans. He did not fly away though I was very close so I stopped and spoke to him a while. He was unfazed and eyed me quite cooly.

Back in my kitchen I started a bag of scraps for the ducks. Right now it has the last cheesy biscuit and the heel from a loaf of cranberry orange bread I picked up on impulse at the farmer’s market. Lucky ducks. They are NOT getting the last cinnamon roll, that sucker has my name on it unless hubby gets there first.

We had guests over last evening so the house looks the best it has for a while. Hubby and I hung some artwork and mirrors over the weekend, and moved some furniture. It is nice to see progress in the house, there is so much renovation work that I'd like to do. The dog hair has been momentarily banished (until Hope or Misde shake or scratch again) and everything in the kitchen is in its “away place.” I should spend the week making soap or working at art glass but both of those studios are in my kitchen and I am not ready to part with the pristine neatness quite yet. So maybe I’ll spend some quality time with a series of quilts I’m working on. My quilt studio is in the basement I don’t ever really bother with trying to achieve neatness there, organization yes, neatness no. Or maybe I’ll spend a little time at the piano or settle in with the laptop and write a story. I've been thinking of a self portrait drawing, maybe I should give that some consideration. I also have a series of paintings in mind for the children's rooms. Or maybe I’ll stay right here and ease myself even deeper into the quietness. Sometimes I wrestle with the loneliness in the quiet of my life. Today I see the solitude and the silence as something to savor. This is a good day and I am grateful.