I'm back to work in the mornings, I manage property for a gentlemen who owns a bunch of property here in town. I was hungry this morning when I came home, so I ran by Food Lion to pick up a few things. I picked up some eggs and veggies for quiche and a chicken for the slow cooker... and I walked by the flower case as I often do. I usually stop and enjoy the flowers for a bit then keep on moving. This time the pink roses seemed to have my name on them... (Carmen Rose... ha ha ha!) so they came home with me.
I did manage to pop the chicken into the slow cooker and make three quiches today though. I haven't felt like eating or cooking and I'm getting tired of cooking for one. So, now I can pop a slice of ultra healthy tofu, bacon and veggie quiche in the oven in the morning and have an excellent breakfast with no fuss. Yeah, tofu and bacon... healthy and unhealthy... that's just crazy, but really, it works. I also put in spinach, red peppers, mushrooms, fresh pineapple and extra sharp cheddar cheese. I forgot to put in the onions and the salt and pepper. Oh well.
I am giving some thought to what is next for me. Now that I have chosen to be child-free instead of becoming an adoptive mom, I can be more career focused again. I felt like my life was on hold for those two years that we gave to the process. I'm giving some thought to getting a job or opening a gallery, or or or... I'm spending some time just holding the question "what do I want?" It's a bit like considering what I'd want said of me at my funeral, what kind of mark would I like to leave? What do I want to be known for? I can chose, life is not lived entirely accidentally.
There is an element of "how am I going to make a living?" in my dreaming at this point as well. My friend says that when someone asks him what he does for a living, he wants to be able to respond that he doesn't work, he plays. I've had seasons of my life where my work brought me so much satisfaction that I didn't consider it work at all. I'd like to find that zone once more. So I'm taking some time for consideration, healing, and dreaming. And perhaps some of the answers I seek will present themselves. It's difficult to be at rest in this uncertainty when I get impatient, but I will walk in the light I'm given. And time will tell.