Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I am a visual artist... however:

I've been giving some thought to some of my other little dreams.

I've written and performed music, piano, vocal, choral and as a band leader.  I play the guitar also, though it's not what comes most natural to me and I'm not very good at it.  I love performing all sorts of music, improv is perhaps my favorite, then maybe gospel or folk.  I love to play the piano for myself, and sometimes I'll play for others as well.  It's something I enjoy and people say it touches them, which is cool.  I'd like to give some attention to this and maybe play some local open mic events now and then.  That might be fun.  I've seen some cool local musicians perform lately, it reminded me of those days when I was involved in music more intentionally.  I have a little dream of putting together a group of musicians and finding the grove again, maybe even getting back in the recording studio.  That would be so very cool! 

I'm in the process of writing two books, well... perhaps three.  I haven't worked on any of them for some time, but I do remember that I have them.  I have one small book of poetry I put together years ago and gave away as gifts.  I have one copy of a book of poems in watercolor backgrounds that I created, one day I'll get back to that project.  I'm also writing a work of fiction, a novel. I have over 30,000 words in that one. And I have another non-fiction book in the works and that one is a combination of my own story and my journey of faith.  That one has over 35,000 words.  My working title is "An Artist's Wilderness Conversations with God" or "Wilderness Conversations" for short.  That one has been in my spirit for at least a decade, perhaps longer.  I also have another one that I have already written once, it just needs to be revised.

I grew up in a bakery, so to speak.  I've been a professional cake decorator for years.  With the recent influx of TV shows featuring cake designers, I must admit that it's tempting to getting back into it enough to compete.  I also think it would be really cool to own a boutique bakery that made amazing cupcakes (all my own formulas) and specialty cakes.  I've been a cake designer long enough to know that it's back breaking work.  I literally went from incredible chronic back pain as a cake designer to very little pain at all after I'd been out of it for a while.  Being a cake designer literally kills my back.  So I think it's safe to say that there is a bit of me that would like to own and run a boutique bakery... but that part of me doesn't like subsisting on pain meds... so... I'll pass on that one.  Someone could hire me to create the product line though, THAT would ROCK!  Seriously, what fun it would be to start that bakery and sell it in two years!  Yeah, that would be good. 

And you know me as a visual artist.  Or if you don't, feel free to drop by my web-portfolio.  These days I'm giving some serious consideration to being a gallery owner again.  I have so many ideas and there are a number of spaces available for rent in my area that might be a good home for my work and the work of some other ultra talented people.  I just wonder how to see all these little dreams come to fruition, cause doing it all at once doesn't seem likely to work.

This reads like the graveyard of an ADD artist, does it not?  No worries, I'm not dead yet so there is still time for me to finish up some projects.  These are just a few of my little dreams to add to the stack.

I've worked for a long time with my shrink about a lot of things, but on that list was the idea of becoming a parent.  I wrestled with that idea for a long time.  We were in the process of adopting, the process was brutal.  I feel like I lost a bit of myself along the way, maybe even some sizable chunks.  In the end I had to come to terms with the realization that I wanted to be a mom, but that there were other things I wanted more.  And being a parent isn't a right... or an obligation.  It's a privaledge.  And since God said no to biological children, and we've ended the adoption process and I'm recovering from a hysterectomy, it seems that a chapter of my life has come to a close.  I'm surprised to say that I feel a level of contentment that is unexpected.  It was a difficult process to come to that choice, but choosing to be child-free was the right choice for me.  And so I look at the rest of my life with a sense that anything is possible.  I can't gain back the years that I put myself on hold for the adoption process, but I can make the rest of my days count.

So... I'm just trying to give things some careful consideration.  Nobody gets to have it all... all at once.  So I'm trying to pace myself.  I want to get to the finish line with an empty "to do list."  That just means being intentional along the way.  Dreams are like children, they require attention and care.  May yours thrive as you tend to them.

Happy Dreaming,
Carmen Rose

1 comment:

  1. Having an empty "to-do" list sounds a bit scary! There's always more to want to do! As they say, it's the journey, not the destination... enjoy every minute of every journey!


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